Do you have a thistle on your team? If yes, you know: those difficult people are tenacious. Constantly criticising, challenging, blocking. You don’t want a thistle on your team. No more than I want them in my lovely flower garden.

When I spot a thistle, I pull it. After all, I haven’t sowed my lovely wildflower mix to have the elegant beauties overshadowed by this prickly giant.

But a couple of weeks ago, on a mind blowing regenerative farm tour, I learnt something about thistles that surprised me.

In nature, nothing is there without a reason. Every insect, plant, bacteria, animal plays a role.

And this is true within every team as well. (See Arnold and Amy Mindell’s groundbreaking work on roles)

Instead of fighting it, we can ask ourselves

• What is the role of this thistle?
• Why is it here?
• Why now?

Taking a closer look at the plant makes us wonder: 

Why is the thistle’s stem like a straw?

It’s hollow. Through that “straw”, the thistle transports oxygen into the soil. That is the Why and the What of the thistle’s existence: this soil lacks oxygen. That’s why the thistle is there. And its role is to fix it by transporting oxygen into the ground. 

Now we know what the thistle is doing, and we are therefore able to orient toward it with more curiosity and less judgment. Which in my case means: I take a step back and keep watching. I don’t pull it.

In the case of your team’s thistle, that can look like this:

• Watch and notice at what moments it gets active.
• What precisely does it do, and what it might want to achieve? (Just ask!)
• What are the team dynamics?
• What is your thistle responding to, and 
• How does the team respond to the thistle?

Experiment and Learn

And now you have enough information to experiment with small interventions. Perhaps the thistle occasionally has a valid point? For instance, discussions are endless, or confusing. Or people don’t follow through on the decisions made, so what’s the point of making them in the first place?

Whatever you notice, design a little experiment from it, to learn if you can shift the group into different behaviours.

Perhaps you’ve already made a few really good changes. Still, the thistle keeps acting out.

And it’s the same in my garden! Leaving the thistle alone worked at first. However, in year 2 it grew quite a bit taller, clearly noticeable from further afield, and in year 3 it is almost my height! The neighbours have long started to talk, judging me and my sloppy gardening. This leads to tension at my dinner table, because by now I am the only one with the backbone to defy the neighbours and to keep watching what that thistle is up to next. I agonise over my decision to not intervene.

Sounds familiar?

Suddenly, in year 4, the magic happens: The thistle is gone! I am so relieved! And curious: 

Why is it gone?

At this point others’ expertise comes in handy. My regenerative farmer says: The thistle has successfully upgraded the soil which in turn is no longer fertile ground for thistles. It’s done its job! 

And here’s my challenge to you: How can you apply this to your thistle and your team? What do you need to understand, about the thistle itself, about the soil it grows in, i.e. your team and its dynamics? 

The roles people play

Like everyone else on your team, difficult people plays a role. Being difficult is not who they are, it’s simply their role in the team. That is true for the disrupter as well as for the peace maker. If you take a disruptor out of your team, you will likely find someone else stepping into their shoes. Because too much harmony stifles creativity and growth.

Your thistle might display difficult behaviours, yet they are not a difficult person. Take them out of the team context, and they likely play different roles, supporting their kids with perspective and understanding, or getting excited with their friends as their local football team is scoring. 

When they are with you, they are embedded in the social soil of your team, and everything that happens in and between team meetings is co-created. 

BTW: If you are the thistle on the team, it might be time to get curious and explore what makes you be so prickly.

And what that can teach you

Your thistle could be a goldmine for you, an indicator that something is missing or too much on this team. Working with the thistle and the other team role holders is your magic weapon to co-create a team that works. Where people step into and out of roles fluently, depending on what the situation needs.

Are you ready for team coaching to uncover the hidden dynamics of your team and turn them into the fertile soil for collaboration and innovation?

Reach out for a conversation on how to achieve better relationships and results with your team.