It’s a Wednesday, which means it was a bootcamp morning. Given that this body of mine is into its 50th+ trip around the sun, I want to take care of it by exercising, but doing it in a way that respects the miles on the odometer. (I don’t get that with the clicks)
This is where things get tricky.
Many different parts show up each morning when I am in the gym.
- There is the part that loves to exercise and enjoys the work and knows it is good for me.
- There is the part that responds well to encouragement but also wants to push things a bit, to get praise and approval from the class leader and to prove that “I still have it”.
- Then there is the part which is prudent and careful and wants to avoid “overdoing things”.
- And there is also a part which brings judgement and believes that I “should have worked harder”.
- Then, tucked away somewhere deep below all this inner chatter, there is a part which sometimes feels bad and used to carry the burden that “Connor was never cut out for the gym.” That part of me that internalised the story of being called skinny and “bones”, and was laughed at for being physically weak.
No wonder they play loud music at the gym – it helps to drown out your own head.
This early morning, internal melodrama doesn’t cause me much notice any more, but what happens when you change context? What if this drama were to play out at work?
A part of you may seek to achieve a goal or express your purpose in the world. You may have a part that wants to be validated by an authority figure. You may have another part which is super sensitive to any situation which triggers you, such as being seen as not smart or competent, not nice, or not successful. Such is external validation that this part is likely vigilant and prepared to leap into action at the slightest suggestion that you are not enough. And deep within us, all of us also carry old wounds and beliefs which make us feel vulnerable, and we try to avoid ever feeling this pain again.
All of these parts of us are the actors who, often unconsciously, drive our behaviour.
These parts all seek to protect us. They all have good intentions, though not the best strategies. They try to keep us safe by reacting to threats in the outer world in order to protect our inner world.
Unfortunately, many of their solutions have negative or unintended impacts.
It is our internal journey to leading from our calm and confident Self, rather than from our reactive parts, that allows us to nurture and bring our leadership to the world in a responsive, intentional manner.
As an IFS informed, co-active coach, I work with my clients to bring more leadership to their inner world in order that they can increase their leadership impact in the outer world.
